May 21, 2001
Big City Daily Grind
by Doris Dane
After a nationwide search, the creators of LoKo World have been found. Missing in action for over a year, co-founders Dave Kobus and Chris Lockwood were found, respectively, wandering around in Paw Paw, Michigan and drooling incessantly in a New York Hooters.
"Have you ever seen Paw Paw in winter?" was the first thing that Mr. Kobus asked when questioned about his whereabouts. Apparently banished to the remote outpost by his "day job", Mr. Kobus reported to the client on time. The problem began when a snowstorm covered the entire town. With a sense of direction no better than a newborn salamander, Mr. Kobus got lost on his way to the motel. "It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen. Snow everywhere, a lot like Syracuse in July, but with one major difference; the entire town was symmetrical! Every road from the client looked the same! I didn’t know which way to go, so I drove all night, eventually running out of gas in the client’s parking lot." Mr. Kobus survived on the many bags of airplane snacks he has accumulated over his lifetime.
Upon their reunion, Mr. Kobus grimaced at his co-creator and mumbled something about "at least he had wings to eat." Mr. Lockwood had a traumatizing year at Hooters. "It was 5 cent wing night, so I went. I had a few drinks, sure, but I was far from sloshed. It’s all a sick game. I hear I am not the only one taken hostage by them." When asked to describe his captors, Mr. Lockwood’s eyes glossed over, and his voice trembled. "They were nice at first, and I should have suspected something was up. My waitress greeted me with a large beer, a platter of spicy wings, and many, many wet-naps. Before I knew it, I was chained to my seat and forced to watch the women pick up forks from the floor in those tight orange shorts. Thank goodness my friend Jimmy showed up, although he had to stop and eat some wings first."
The two scarred men have now locked themselves in their apartment, for fear of going outside, and are looking for donations.
Before the Hooters incident, co-creator Chris Lockwood seemed to have taken up a career as a professional student. After graduating from Syracuse University in 1993 with a degree in advertising he never put to use, he disappeared for few years into miserable, unmentionable jobs. Reappearing along with the re-release of Star Wars, he decided to go back to school at the School of Visual Arts in New York City to major in illustration. Now graduated…again, he spends his free time trying to keep his mental pile of projects in some semblance of order, as his brain generates ideas at an exponentially faster pace than he can produce them. He plans to soon go to Brains ‘R’ Us to rent some extra mental space, where his ideas can share room with his useless knowledge of every album liner note in his ludicrous CD collection. He essentially spends all his time working on LoKo, so he has no hobbies.
Dave Kobus, also a 1993 graduate of Syracuse, moved to New York City, being unqualified to do anything. Stumbling into an accounting job, which eventually led to being named Director of Operations, he soon found himself with a career. Trying hard to avoid any semblance of maturity, he quit. Many times. But, since he had no real options, he stayed. It was during this time that he began to write. "Inside My Head" was the first story. Chris moved to New York soon after, and LoKo was born. When he is not working on LoKo activities, he enjoys being frustrated by his still unfinished screenplay and listening to music.
All Material Copyright © 2001 by LoKo World